she changed us.

 one year ago our lives changed in ways we could have never imagined. 

we were given a gift.

she has completely rocked our world

in every good and amazing way possible.

 my journal entry on the day she was born..."there were a couple false alarms which were interesting especially seeing that she was 3 hours away. the plan was for us to be there, to be in the delivery room, and for us to take her immediately after delivery. when choosing to foster/adopt, you quickly learn not to have expectations so we weren't set in any aspect of "the plan". and after she was a few days late, with no signs of labor anytime soon, we had kinda come to the conclusion that she would have to be induced. then on tuesday morning, at around 4 am, i was woken up and he said "it's happening, she's in labor." we gathered our things and waited for my sister to arrive. (thank God for my sister, wouldn't have made it without her!)

i drove. and i drove fast. we had to stop for gas and went through the drive through, commenting at the time that there was no way 5 minutes would make the difference in getting there in time. if we had only known! about 19 miles out from our location we got a call saying that she was in a lot of pain and felt a lot of pressure. when i heard the word pressure i knew that we were going to miss it and sure enough, we came squealing into the hospital parking lot only to get another call saying she had just been born. i ran in and was helped by several employees to where the labor/delivery ward was and sure enough i walked into the room while mama was getting stitched up and baby girl was screaming.

 not sure if i can put into words what i felt in those moments. she was crying. crying hard. and her natural instincts were in full flow. she wanted her mama, and i knew that i wasn't what she wanted. to be honest i wasn't sure how to feel. to be honest there was a moment that i wanted to run. don't get me wrong, i knew i was going to be this babies mama but it was still overwhelming and i was out of my comfort zone to say the least. right there i had to make a choice. and that choice was to pick our baby up and be her mommy. and that's exactly what i did. we were in the room for about 10 minutes and then took her to the nursury to have a bath and get her settled. and then they gave us a room. it was amazing what i felt toward her. it was instant. she was mine. and it was beautiful.

everyone asks if we are being a bit hesitant, holding ourselves back a bit from her, guarding our hearts. i understand the questions but my answer is a clear and direct NO. she is our baby. completely innocent and unaware of the drama around her. she arrived to us with a clean slate, needing love. i don't think it would be possible to not fall head over heels for this little girl so i'm not going to try. whether she is with us for 1 week or 60 years, i choose to love her the same. yes, it's hard to think of having to let her go. yes, it's heartbreaking to think of not having her here with us when she is the missing piece we have been aware of for so long. yes, the kids would be devastated. but if we hold back we will only in the end have regret, no matter what the outcome is. she is here. and she is here for a reason. we can give her so much and are determined to give her all we have each day."

our baby girls story didn't end there. 

complications

threat from birthparents

a long drawn out wait

high risk

but in the end her official adoption went through when she was almost 7 months old.

what a gift she is to us.

so many people comment on how lucky she is to have us as her family

but they have it all completely wrong...

we are the lucky ones!