his mama.

i know what my perspective should be...

grateful for every minute with him

grateful that he, out of no where, arrived in our kitchen

that there is a bigger picture that is beyond anything i can understand or see

that a baby's first months are the most important

that the love and cuddles and kisses and words are impacting him beyond our understanding

that no matter what he will always have a place in our hearts

that God loves him more than i ever could

and will watch over his every step

i know that this should be my perspective

and most of the time it is.

but at night, mostly at night

i find it hard to keep this view.

at night

when i look over into his crib and see his sweet cheeks and dark hair

i just want the chance to be his mama.