someone has to.

some days the emotions seem overwhelming.

we don't have answers to our situation with baby boy and

there really are no options.

we have to wait and see what happens.

i have fears with baby girl,

so many unknowns for the future.
many of the fears are the same, with any of my children
but many she will have to work through that are unique to her due to her adoption. 

how will we deal with her possible insecurities and questions?

will she know how much we completely adore her,

that she was our baby girl since the moment we saw her. 

i don't want to sound like a broken record,
always writing about the difficult side with our babies
but right now
when things are in limbo
fear
anxiety
worry
are ever present.
we walk each day with a weight on our shoulders
some days the weight is lighter
but it's still always there.

last week things got rough.

no answers to some pretty big questions.

seeming to hit a brick wall in any possible solution with baby boy

it was just too much.

i could feel my chest tightening and anxiety setting in

as we talked through the latest developments with baby boy,

trying to figure out how this was going to work out.
i looked at my husband,

hardly able to get the words out

and i said "why would we ever do this again,

its just too hard".

i haven't been able to shake what he said to me.

"someone has to"

that's all he said.

sometimes i wish we weren't that "someone".
sometimes i wish i could just walk away
and not feel anything
but to be honest
with each baby that has been brought to our home
my feeling couldn't be more opposite.
looking at our baby girl and baby boy
there is only one thought that consumes my mind

one more. 
we can love on one more.
i don't know what that means for our family
but it stirs in me an excitement in regards to the future.
we are open and willing.
He knows
and because He is more than capable
i choose to trust.